808 888 8888 88 8008
111 1111 11
とにかくこの番号を頻繁に見るんだけど。
I really see these numbers all the time.
少し時間が経った今、意味がわかった！
After few while, I got the meaning of the numbers.
何を言われてるか。
What's the meanings of the number are
びびるなーーーー！受け取れーーーー！
don't be afraid and receive.
だ。
経済的な豊かさを怖がらないで受け入れて！
不安や恐怖に支配されすぎてる！
Don't be afraid to receive the financial richness.
You are surrounded by fears and anxiousness.
（トントン拍子で家を建てることになりそうで、ローンにとてもびびってる（笑））
In fact, I am on the fast way to buy a house and
I am quite worried about to pay mortgages.
っていうメッセージなんだなぁ。
周りから見たら、絶対私騙されてるよ（笑）
People around me think that I am deceived.
というか、すごいそう言われるし、
Actually people are telling me so.
もうちょっと考えたほうがいい、
People are telling me that I should think little bit more
あのメーカーは評判悪いよ。とか、
or that house manufacturer has bad reputation etc.
毎月ちゃんと払えるの？とか。
People think that I am not able to pay the mortgage.
でも。。。。お空からは押されてる？
But I feel that the universe is encouraging me to buy a house.
自分はブレーキかけたい？
but I'm scared ?
この感覚って、バンジージャンプの紐が付いてないけど、
This feeling is like someone telling me that " don't worry just jump off. you will be fine." While I'm looking at a bungee jump without a string.
絶対大丈夫だから飛んでごらん？って言われてるような感覚（笑）
絶対大丈夫じゃないじゃーん😨
Then I'm thinking there is no way that I will be fine.
って思うけど、
いいやっ！駄目だったらその時考えればいい。って思いっきり飛び込んでみると、
But then, I jump off by believing the messages and leaving the fears and anxiousness behind.
あれ？だ、だ、大丈夫かも。。。
Then I start thinking that I might be okay.
あれ？楽しいかも。。。
And this is kind fun.
あれ？最高かもー（笑）
then become feeling like this is the best.
みたいな。
離婚する直前、絶対自分の収入だけで生活なんて不可能だと思った。
Before I divorced there was no way that I could live on just my wage.
なのに、どんな家でも大丈夫だよ？みたいなメッセージが来て、
But I received a message that you can live a house whichever you like.
私には思い切ったけど、やっぱりちょっとビビってるくらいの家賃の家を借りた。
I was a little scared still but I rent a house which was little bit too expensive for me.
そんなもんか（笑）みたいに言われた気がした（笑）
Then I felt like I received a message that "is that all?"
何ヶ月かは、お金が底をつきそうなとこまで行って、
After a few months I started to live the house, my savings were nearly on the bottom.
やっぱりだめじゃーん(;_;)なんて思ったけど、
then I thought "see! it's not ok!".
いろんなところから、少しずつ収入が入って、
but since then incomes have slowly came in from different sources.
お給料も変わって、
My wage has gone up as well.
いつの間にか無理なく生活できてる(゜o゜;
without noticing, I became to be able to live without hassle.
元旦那に気持ちを話す前も、自殺しちゃうんじゃないか。とかものすごい不安に駆られ
Before telling my ex-husband the truth, I was worried about that he might suicide.
子どもたちに二度と会えなくなっちゃうんじゃないか。
also I was worried that I might lose opportunities to see my kids.
死ぬほど苦しくても、気持ち押し殺すのが正解じゃないのか。とか。
I was keep thinking that I should kill my emotion for my family.
でもすべての不安は現実にならなかった。
But all of my fears didn't come true.
いや、でも、あと何回ジャンプさせられるんだろう💧
But now I'm wondering how many times I have to jump off the bungee jumps without a rope.
